Potion Problems
by Mini Nephthys
Summary: Sakura's attempt to win Shirou's affections once and for all goes wrong. Issei profits. Oneshot, Issei x Shirou and Shirou x Sakura. For Springkink.


Any female magus (and more than a few of the male ones) of the Water element knew how to make a love potion. It was one of the simple kinds of magecraft, and properly made, it was useful in its application. Rarely prone to going wrong, as well: make the potion using one of your own hairs, give it to the desired target, and they'll fall in love with you completely. At worst, the potion being drunk by someone else would give you someone else at your disposal.

But Sakura was definitely sure that it was Sempai eating her homemade lunch, so that shouldn't be a problem. After he finished his drink, Sempai was going to profess his love for her at any moment! She almost felt bad about doing this to him, but it was for his own good and to keep him away from someone who didn't appreciate him like she did. Once it took effect, he'd surely understand why she was doing this. Maybe he'd even thank her...

"You're improving even more, Sakura." Sempai had finished his meal, but... he didn't look much more enthralled than normal.

Sakura hid her disappointment. "Ah... th-thank you, Sempai."

"You're welcome. Hm, I think lunch break is almost over. We should get back to class," he replied, rising from his seat.

W-well, there was no reason to suspect it hadn't worked like it was supposed to. Sempai just... had a reserved kind of love! Yes, that was it - soon she'd draw his infatuation with her to the surface! "Y-yes, of course! I'll do my best!"

"...in getting back to class?"

* * *

"Ah, you've returned, I see." Issei put down his student council paperwork. "I don't mind you having eaten with Matou Sakura yesterday, but you could have informed me of it beforehand. It's impolite to begin eating before everyone has arrived, and, well..."

"Sorry." Emiya took his seat across from Issei. "I didn't mean to keep you from having a lunch - I guess I just wasn't thinking about it."

"It's all right. A monk should be able to practice restraint, so I don't mind," Issei told him with a small smile.

"But, going without food just because I wasn't there? Isn't that a little much?" Emiya asked. "Geeze, it doesn't matter what was polite, you shouldn't go hungry!"

Issei blinked, a slight blush spreading on his face. He'd forgotten how dedicated Emiya was to taking care of everyone. "Ah... I, I appreciate the concern, really, but it isn't necessary. I was fine."

The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. Emiya's next few words trailed off as his eyes widened, and his face colored slightly. ...Was it just him, or was Emiya blushing?

No, no, that couldn't be true. It was just Issei projecting himself onto him, that's all. Emiya wasn't the type to blush, not around him. Really, had he sunk so low as to imagine things that weren't there just to give himself hope?

"...Issei? You in there?"

Emiya's voice shook him out of his reverie. Issei looked again, but he could still see some redness in his cheeks. "My apologies, but you seem awfully red. Do you, perhaps, have a fever?"

For some reason, Emiya seemed to flush more. "Y-yeah, it's a fever! That's definitely what it is."

See? Issei knew that it had a much more reasonable explanation. "In that case, you should be getting some rest at home! Don't come to school when you're sick," he chided him.

"You're right, and I think I should leave now so you don't catch anything from me," Emiya answered, nearly tripping over his chair as he got up. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

As he made his retreat, Issei watched, puzzled. It was good for Emiya to be health-conscious, but that sickness had seemed awfully sudden...

* * *

Shirou was having an existential crisis.

Earlier that day, Issei had blushed at him, and he had thought that it was... that it was _cute_. Shirou didn't think that about other men, _ever_. And what was worse was that even an hour spent practicing his tracing hadn't changed his opinion that Issei was... still cute. What was wrong with him?!

Don't panic. Think of it objectively, find a rational explanation for it. It was probably perfectly normal and no reason to question his orientation.

Fact: Girls who blushed were cute. Certainly, Shirou thought so.

Fact: Many girls thought that Issei was cute. At least, that would explain why he seemed so popular with them, and why he got the most Valentine's Day chocolate out of anyone in the school.

Hypothesis: A cute person doing something cute could be acknowledged as being cute without compromising his Not Being Interested In Guys That Way.

Fact: Shirou knew the difference between acknowledging someone as cute (see: pop idols he'd never been interested in) and thinking they were cute (see: Saber). Today's incident had been the latter.

Conclusion: That hypothesis was fine, but it wasn't what had happened.

Fact: Shirou really liked girls. Really. Even if he'd only done anything intimate with them under extenuating mana-related circumstances, he liked them!

Hypothesis: No matter if he thought that they were cute, Shirou was Not Interested In Guys That Way. Somehow, there was a difference.

Fact: Shirou was more interested in things like swords than most women, really...

Conclusion: D-did this mean he might actually like Issei that way? No, no, it couldn't be! Even if the evidence pointed toward it, there's no way he could accept that his heterosexuality was even in question!

"It's useless, it's all useless! I can't think about this kind of thing objectively!"

"Sempai?" Sakura's voice came from outside. "What are you doing in the shed? I thought you were sick..."

Shirou tried to put on a brave face, so she wouldn't suspect. "Er, I felt better, so I thought I should be doing something productive. You can come in, Sakura."

The door opened slowly, and Sakura took a step inside. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

"So, so am I." It wasn't a lie, Shirou reasoned, since he would be happy when he actually did feel better. Still, maybe he would rather have told her the truth.

No! No, telling the truth was bad and could only lead to bad things like him never being able to show his face to her again. He might have made selflessness into a power source, but he was still a man, and he had his pride.

But, she wasn't the type to go tell other people about it. And since she was better at this type of thing than he was (he knew this because _everyone_ was better at romance than he was), maybe she would have some advice for him. As long as he didn't mention the gender... "Sakura, can I ask you for some advice?"

"Yes!" Sakura answered, a bright smile on her face. "Of course, Sempai."

Shirou sighed. "There's this person, who I've been friends with for quite a while. Lately I've been thinking of them as... more than that. It's strange for me, since I was sure before about my feelings for them just being platonic, and probably that's exactly how they feel, so... what should I do?"

For some reason, Sakura's smile turned even brighter as she thought over the question; Shirou hoped she wasn't making fun of him, but it was sometimes hard to tell with Sakura. "I think you should tell that person exactly how you feel."

"But-"

"People's feelings change, and it's n-natural for you to start being interested in someone you hadn't before," Sakura explained. "And you don't know for certain how they feel. Maybe, they've always been interested in you, but never said anything because they never thought you felt the same."

"That, actually, makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your help, Sakura." Shirou could already feel the stress leave his body. "I'll tell them about it tomorrow."

Sakura blinked. "Tomorrow? Why not now?"

"Well, it's late. And we should start on dinner soon. I'll let you pick our dishes tonight as payment for your advice."

"Thank you, Sempai!"

* * *

Sempai, Sakura thought, was someone who preferred to confess his love by the early morning dew.

Then she thought that he preferred to confess his love on the way to school.

Then she thought that he preferred to confess his love during lunchtime. Even though he hadn't made plans to eat with her today...

But he had to be planning to confess sometime! After all, yesterday he'd practically told her that he was in love with her and just didn't know whether to say it or not. And he'd promised he'd tell her truly, none of this 'them' business (did he really think she was fooled?) today, and it was today, so logically...

There was no reason to panic. The day was only half over, and he was going to say it eventually. She'd waited this long for that moment, she could wait a few more hours if need be.

Still, she couldn't help but hang around the outside of student council room, where she knew he was. It was best to give him the most opportunities to tell her, after all.

Ryudo-sempai's voice could be heard from inside the classroom. "How... how long have you felt this way, Emiya?"

"Only for a day or so," Sempai's voice answered. "That's how long I've realized it, anyway - you know me, it could have been longer."

Sakura's ears perked up. Sempai was telling his friend about it first? That was... weird, but at least it was an explanation for the delay. And if she walked in now and 'happened' to overhear, he wouldn't get the chance to be nervous about telling her.

"It's probably not returned, but... I still have to be honest about it."

"Oh, no, Emiya-"

Sakura opened the door enough to see inside.

And that was how three hours later, she ended up sitting on Tohsaka-sempai's couch, waiting as she poured her tea.

Her host sighed, and sat down across from her. "I assume this is about Issei and Shirou blushing at each other after school?" she asked.

"It's even worse than that," Sakura groaned. "They were kissing in the student council room at lunch."

Tohsaka-sempai winced. "That's bad. That's definitely bad. Issei I've always had my suspicions about, but Shirou? He's supposed to like _girls_."

Sakura fidgeted with the handle of her teacup. "Um, about that... I-it's possible that I may have had something to do with this."

"Explain yourself."

"Well, I was trying to give Sempai a love potion..." she began, ignoring how the already cold glare turned even colder at that, "and when making it, I... Well, I didn't see the reason to pull a hair off my head when I already had some that had fallen on my uniform. And when it's just one hair it's difficult to tell what color it is..."

"So you gave Shirou a love potion, made with Issei's hair, and it worked perfectly." Tohsaka-sempai sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Can't you get some more of his hair and make a counter-potion? How did you get his hair on you in the first place?"

"Study session. He's tutoring me in math," Sakura explained. "And what am I supposed to do? Say to him 'oh, I need some of your hair now, would you mind giving me some?'"

"It's that or let Shirou stay the way he is," Tohsaka-sempai pointed out. "Holding hands before school... feeding each other Valentine's Day chocolates... spending late nights-"

"Stop! I'll do it, I'll do it, so don't go on!"

* * *

"E-Emiya, are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"Of course it is. I do this all the time."

"But it seems... bigger than where you're trying to put it. You could tear something!"

"It just needs a little lubricant, but after that it'll be fine. You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I trust you, it's just that- Did you just hear a thud?"

Emiya looked up from the room's heater. "It sounded like it came from the hallway. Can you go check on it while I put the part in?"

"Ah, certainly." Issei took a step outside and nearly tripped over Matou Sakura's crumpled form. "Huh? It seems as though she fainted all of a sudden, but I didn't know she had any health issues of that nature..."

* * *

As the students filed out of the school, Issei asked, "Shall I walk you home? Since there wasn't a reason to stay after school today, we don't need to split our paths in order to get home at a reasonable time."

"It's still a little out of the way," Shirou commented, stopping in front of a tree. "You don't have to walk the extra distance just to be polite."

Issei smiled and shook his head. "No, but it seems to be the tradition, and I'll do my best to do everything correctly, even if it isn't a necessary tradition to follow."

"Oh, so you think I'll just let you take the guy's role without complaining, Issei?" Shirou teased, feeling a smile spread across his face in return. "It's not going to be that easy."

"Who said anything about the man's role?" Issei asked, chuckling softly. "You're not going to walk me home because that would involve you going up and down several flights of steps. It's only reasonable to do it this way."

"Still, you're not going to walk me home just to be traditional. I'll invite you over instead." Shirou looked past Issei. "You don't mind having someone else over for dinner, right, Sakura?"

"Hm?" Issei turned around to face her. "How long have you been behind me?"

"She's been coming closer for a while now, but really slowly," Shirou explained. "If you wanted to join the conversation, you can just walk up."

"No, I wasn't - I-I mean, yes, that's what I meant to do," Sakura answered, stammering. "I certainly wasn't sneaking up on Ryudo-sempai or anything..."

"Did you say something, Matou?"

"N-nothing!"

* * *

Sakura took a moment to silently sigh in relief.

She couldn't get a hair from Ryudo-sempai's head. All of her attempts risked either getting caught or embarrassing herself to death, or worse, both. Thankfully, she was able to find another hair on her uniform, like the one she'd used to make the first potion. As soon as Sempai finished his drink, he would be cured, and it would be like this had never happened in the first place.

...Well, there might be a few issues with explaining to Ryudo-sempai why he had only been interested in him for less than a week, but that was a minor problem, really.

"A-are you feeling all right?" she asked. Not that she expected 'I feel great and I'm no longer attracted to my best friend' to be the answer even if it was true, but she had to ask _something._

"I feel fine, Sakura, why wou...ld..." Shirou trailed off, staring at her with a reddish hue in his cheeks. He swallowed audibly. "I-I'm fine! Really!"

...she... she'd only had to choose a hair two inches up for this to all have worked out perfectly?

* * *

Issei took in a breath. "Thank you for agreeing to speak to me like this, especially on short notice."

"It's fine, Ryudo-sempai. What did you want to talk to me about?" Matou Sakura asked. "It's... about Sempai, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. I can be brief, then: Emiya likes you. He refuses to tell you himself for fear of hurting my feelings, but..." His gaze couldn't quite reach her eyes. "As his friend, I should encourage him to do what will make him happy." Even at the expense of his own happiness.

"I understand." She didn't seem very surprised. "Um, forgive me for asking this, but does he... not like you, now?"

"If that were the case, it would be an easy decision to make, for both him and me. But no. For a number of reasons - society as a whole, Fujimura-sensei's approval, you two have known each other longer and have more shared interests - for such reasons, it would be better if he were with you than if he were with me. Either way, two of us will be upset, but in the end this is the most reasonable choice, and I feel that delaying the decision would only serve to make it more painful." His voice only shook a little. "Besides, I can gracefully accept you as his significant other. I truly do wish you two the utmost happiness together."

"Thank you, but..." Her next words came out in a rush, seeming as surprising to her as they did to him. "W-would you be interested in making an... arrangement?"


End file.
